My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
