And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
