I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
