So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
