I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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