I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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