Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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