Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
