No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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