It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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