yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
