I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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