My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
