Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
