You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
