If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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