Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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