I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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