Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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