I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
