You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
