At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
