Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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