so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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