well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
