You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
