so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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