Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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