I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
