He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
