Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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