a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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