Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He? As in you personified your dick?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
