Pants 0. Shit 1.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
