I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Everyone says I win the strip club
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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