Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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