she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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