Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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