you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
