Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my shit smells like andre
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
