I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
