This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
