i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
