and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
