I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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