I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
