I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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