you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
