we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
