I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
