it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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