3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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